The Reminiscence Dismemberment
by SilverHawk92
Summary: The gang searches for Raj's dog, Cinnamon, when he goes missing; and the results of the search are not the ones they anticipated.
1. Chapter 1

The Big Bang Theory "The Reminiscence Dismemberment"  
Fan-written by SilverHawk92 Start date for the book: 07.21.13 at 9:15 PM Finish date for this chapter: 07.28.13 at 2:50 PM -  
Leonard held open the apartment building's front door open for Penny. She walked in, smiling. "I had a really nice time," she said.

"Me too," Leonard answered, as he let the door shut. The pair began walking upstairs. "But I think the waiter was hitting on me."

"Oh, but don't you like a man of such class?" Penny teased. Leonard was silent as the pair rounded the corner and began to ascend the second stairwell. Finally Penny broke the silence that had befallen them. "On the other hand, even a straight woman wouldn't have worn those shoes..."

Leonard shook his head. "I couldn't see his shoes. I was too busy looking at the pink hairnet."

Penny's responsive laughter was cut short when the pair noticed a new sign on the wall. Below the caption reading 'Missing' there was a picture of a little dog.

Leonard leaned closer to the poster. "Uh-oh. Raj's number."

Penny smirked. "I bet he let Howard watch her again."

"You're awful," Leonard said, and then sobered. "We shouldn't laugh at his misfortune."

"No, no, you're right." Penny straightened her spine. "At least not once we see him."

They walked past the sign and continued up the final flight of stairs. "I m serious!" Leonard exclaimed, "How would you feel if...if I went missing?"

Penny shrugged and draped one arm around him. "You are kind of a small little thing, huh?"

"Well, people can go missing, and...Hey, what do you mean 'small, little thing'?"

Penny laughed as the pair finished climbing the steps. "Two for one! Now I'm laughing at your misfortune."

"No need to brag." He smiled good-naturedly and they kissed. "I'd better go help Raj look for Cinnamon, before he starts thinking I won't."

"Good luck," Penny replied, and the two parted ways. Leonard stuck his key into the door and entered the apartment he shared with Sheldon; sparing a brief glance at the Missing poster stuck to the wall next to their door. "Hey, Sheldon. Have you seen the posters?"

"Have I!" Sheldon exclaimed, looking at him from his special spot on the couch. "Somehow Koothrappali got into my office and left one on my desk!" He shot a brief look of annoyance to Raj, who stood helplessly in the kitchen, a sandwich in one hand.

"Hey, if you understood something as simple as a relationship, you'd be more concerned about my loss."

"Raj, that dog of yours was a constant problem to humanity, not to mention a disgrace to dogs. You haven't lost anything that can't be replaced with something superior." Sheldon turned his attention back to the television before him; ignoring Raj's look of disgust.

"Whatever, dude! Will you help me find him or not?"

Sheldon didn't even spare him a glance as he answered with, "I try to live my days without adding problems to humanity."

"Yeah..." Leonard headed for the kitchen. "That's what all aliens want."

"You'll help me, right Leonard?" Raj asked, as Leonard opened the fridge.

"Of course," Leonard answered, and smiled. "I'd love to help you give Sheldon a problem."

"You are both my problem." Sheldon turned off the TV and stood, walking toward the kitchen. "But, as it is the social protocol, I suppose I haven't much choice, and will be on the lookout for your precious poodle."

"Great," Raj answered, trying to smile. "I think we would cover more ground if we went in twos."

"That sounds fair," Sheldon agreed. "I call Amy."

Leonard and Raj exchanged a mildly amused look; however, before anything else could be said, Bernadette opened the door, simultaneously knocking. "Reinforcements are here." She walked in, and behind her was Amy, who shared a long look with Sheldon as she closed the door and sat beside him on the couch.

"Where's Howard?" Leonard asked.

"He'll be by later. His mother wanted her back shaven for her appointment."

Amy and Sheldon both made noises of disgust, and Leonard threw away his sandwich.

"I didn't want to stick around," Bernadette added needlessly, as she sat beside Amy.

"And no one blames you," Amy replied, causing the guys to shake their heads. Bernadette smiled; and then Sheldon got up and walked to the door, ignoring the weird looks he received. He pulled the door open to reveal Penny, standing there with her fist raised. She looked quizzically at him.

"I heard you coming," was all he said, and then stepped back to allow her inside.

She entered, the weird expression remaining put on her face. "Nope, still not used to you." She approached Raj and spoke directly to him. "Okay, so call me crazy, but I was in my apartment and I felt bad for being there when your dog is missing. Crazy, right? So I came here to help you look for Cinnamon."

"That's very kind of you," Raj said, clearly baffled. "Thanks."

The sound of Sheldon clearing his throat had everybody looking at him. "Yes, Sheldon?" Penny asked.

"I just wanted to point out that we are all wearing our shoes. May we get this over with?" 


	2. Chapter 2

Start date for this chapter: 07.29.13 at 1:20 AM -  
The group stood at the bottom of the stairs, between the elevator and the building door. "I want to thank you all for doing this," Raj said. "It means a lot that you would all pitch in."

"Oh good," Sheldon answered. "Knowing you're grateful reimburses me wholly for my wasted time."

Raj turned his glance to Howard. "It-it's not going to help if I ignore him, will it?"

Howard shook his head and the group walked outside; at which point they began pairing off. "Okay, keep your cells on. We'll meet back here at eight o'clock," Raj instructed, and paused as the group gave him silent looks of question. "I don't like being out after dark."

"A wise policy for scientists," Sheldon piped up.

Amy looked at Raj. "Are we looking for something special? A dog collar, maybe some colorfully weaved Indian booties?"

Raj and Priya looked at her with fallen faces. "Just a collar," Raj said, biting the words. "I may be Indian, but I'm no damn Mrs. Calvert." Again, everyone gave him odd glances. Raj rolled his eyes. "Never mind. Remember, eight o'clock. If one of you has my dog, I'll be in your debt forever."

"You know..." Sheldon said, as the group began walking off in pairs of two. "I could loan you some money and you could just run down to the ol' corner store and buy yourself a softer roll of toilet paper."

Amy pulled him with her as she went.

"Cinnamon!" Leonard yelled, and Penny whistled shrilly, making him wince. Then he smiled. "I wonder how Amy's holding up, when she isn't allowed to whistle."

Penny smiled. "She's probably second-guessing her judgement right now. Unless she hates whistling too..."

"She never seemed to have a qualm with it before."

Penny looked at him, eyebrows raised. "A qualm?"

"Foreboding. Presentiment. You know...a pang."

Penny smiled. "'Kay, sweetie, in this relationship you're either going to become stupid, or I'm going to become smart."

Leonard laughed outright. "Relationships take teamwork...sweetie."

"Hey!" Penny elbowed him and pointed. "Look! Is that him?"

Leonard looked at her as if she'd lost her mind. "That's a Brown Labrador."

"Oh. Well, we should call someone. He's loose."

"He seems friendly enough. He's probably someone's pet. Just make eye contact with him and keep going."

"Hey, I'm not afraid of one damn dog."

"Sorry," Leonard answered. "I'm not used to being around brave people. Ever since that dog attacked Sheldon, he's been terrified of dogs."

Penny smiled. "Bring it home with you."

Leonard laughed. "I'd love to. But...then I'd be on his bad side. He's annoying enough when you aren't."

"True. Well, maybe I'll bring him home with me. I'd love a Sheldon repellant." Penny cocked her head, giving Leonard an askance look. "Can we have dogs in our apartment suites?"

"Just seeing eye dogs," Leonard answered.

"Damn. Guess that means I'll be eating nickels from now on." She looked at Leonard and was shocked at his troubled expression. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"No, no, of course not," he said hastily, as they passed the dog.

"Good. You know I'd rather see Sheldon than nothing at all."

"Yeah, I know."

Penny sighed. "I just wish I could get a break!"

"Yeah, you and me both," Leonard answered, as the pair walked on.

-  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Finally! Sorry this took forever. Had an awful week, but I'm hoping I can make up for it. 


	3. Chapter 3

Start date for this chapter: 08.10.13 at 12:00 AM Finish date for this chapter: 08.10.13 at 1:15 AM -  
"You look bored," Sheldon noted.

Amy shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose I am, a little. I don't even like looking for stuff in my own apartment. I know exactly where everything is, and now...Well, you're the last person I need to tell." She looked furtively up at him. "Don't suppose you'd be up for playing I Spy."

"Not unless it involves a small dog. We could play a memory game."

"Score?"

"Of course not. I would win."

"Exactly."

"Oh."

"You start, then," she suggested.

Sheldon made a face, thinking. Then he made the briefest shadow of a smile. "Coca Cola went to..."

Amy squinted in concentration at the scenery before them. "T-town," she said uncertainly.

Sheldon nodded. "Diet Pepsi..."

"Shot him down," Amy said with a triumphant smile.

"Dr. Pepper..."

"Uh, fixed him up?"

"Now we're..."

"Drinking 7up."

They shared a brief smile, then Sheldon said, "7Up got the flu, now we're drinking..."

Amy hesitated, then stammered, "Uh, Irn Bru?"

Sheldon nodded, making her smile. "Irn Bru fell down a mountain..."

"Now we're drinking from a fountain."

"Fountain broke, people choke," Sheldon prompted.

"Now we're back to drinking coke!" Amy smiled. "Okay, my turn."

"Alright."

"There once was a lady from Wheeling - "

"Okay, enough of that," Sheldon interrupted. For a moment the pair were silent, and then they stopped in their tracks, each staring in the same direction with odd looks on their faces as they looked at a loud and busy construction site. Sheldon squinted and read, "Brain Teasers."

Amy's brows rose. "Sounds like a neurobiologist lab. Well...you know, for dummies."

"I don't think they allow dummies into a lab," Sheldon pointed out.

"You're right, it could be an average college," Amy replied, making Sheldon smile in an almost normal way. "Still, if we didn't already have a previous engagement, I'd go check it out."

"Go ahead. Much as I've come to be fond of you, I'm not ready for marriage."

"No, it means...we're busy. Not 'getting busy', it just means we have something else to do," she added hastily, upon seeing his expression.

"Oh."

"I was kind of hoping under the circumstances you would understand," Amy pointed out. "Mr. IQ of 187."

Sheldon quirked an eyebrow. "I ask you excuse me, I'm not familiar with layman's terms. But go on, check it out anyway. Why not? It's just a dog, not even a trained one."

"But, Raj - "

"We'll regroup before he sees us. Go on ahead."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"I just said I was fond of you." Sheldon waited a moment, which was filled only with silence, and then looked at her and rolled his eyes. "I'll scour the area nearby. Feel better?"

"Yes." Amy rushed ahead and Sheldon hung back, studying his surroundings, looking low. All alone, he sighed and said to himself, "Raj could for just eight dollars have twenty-four toilet paper rolls. The same softness as his dog, and equally flushable as his dog, except quieter and more helpful." He picked imaginary dirt off his jacket and slowly meandered after Amy, searching the ground for a small flash of orange fur with a collar around its neck.

"Howie, you wouldn't happen to have the time, would you?"

Howard smiled, capturing her hand. "All the time in the world for you, milady."

Bernadette smiled and leaned into him. "You know what I mean."

Howard sobered, looking at his watch. "Quarter after six."

"Thank goodness."

"Why?"

"Well, the later it is, the less time we have out here." Bernadette cast her eyes skyward. "I can't tell you when last I was out on the street during sunset."

"Me neither. As Sheldon said, it's wise for any scientist to be indoors before dark." Howard surveyed his surroundings. "You know, for a genius, he makes very few good points."

Bernadette looked at him with a very serious expression.

"I'm kidding!" he said hastily. "He's very intelligent. Too intelligent for his own good."

Bernadette's eyes softened; however her voice was edged with a caustic tenor. "That's a little better..."

"Well, what do you want me to say?"

Bernadette shrugged. "If I have to tell you, 'better' is the new 'very bad'."

"Hint taken," Howard said quickly. He was silent for a moment, and then said, "You feeling okay?"

"No. Yes."

"Oh, you're still a little freaked about by the incident with my mother?"

"No. Yes. No." Bernadette sighed and turned to face Howard, causing him to almost bump into her. She looked up at him. "I just have this very bad feeling. Like we shouldn't be here."

They were quiet; but then the silence was broken when a twig snapped loudly. Bernadette and Howard turned toward the gentle slope and Zack Johnson popped up out of the foliage, pulling aside the bramble and stepping out onto the road.

"Why don't you go home?" Zack said.

Bernadette's trepidation eased as she looked at the mountain of man before her. She almost smiled in her relief. "We're looking for something."

"Need some help?"

Howard jumped at his chance to get rid of Zack. "Um, we would hate to pry you from your...uh..." Here he faltered.

"Camping trip. No worries, I forgot where I pitched the tent. You been that way already?" Zack began walking.

"You had to go string him along," Howard muttered to Bernadette.

Bernadette narrowed her eyes. "Well. Someone had to man up and tell me I'm safe." She walked after Zack, and Howard slowly trailed after Bernadette.

She fell in step beside Zack. "So, um, Zack, right?"

He looked at her. "What is?"

Howard closed his eyes and rubbed at his temple. This was going to be a long day. 


	4. Chapter 4

Start date for this chapter: 08.10.13 at 9:15 PM Finish date for this chapter: 08.10.13 at 11:00 PM -  
"So how's your job going?" Raj asked inanely, as he and Priya made their way back toward 2311 N. Los Robles Avenue.

Priya shrugged, neatly stifling her annoyance at his small talk. "Oh, um, I was thinking of quitting and pursuing a different career."

"What? Which one?"

"I haven't decided. But I can't get it out of my head that I made the wrong decision." She smiled a little. "Actually I have been considering the police force...for about a year now. It's been torture, all this going back and forth."

"The police force is very big in India. Why would you quit?"

"Because I was thinking of relocating...here."

"Here? You want to be a Pasadena policewoman?"

"Well, it's on the list. It's actually the first thing on the list."

"You made a list," Raj repeated, and even though it wasn't said as a question, she nodded. "I want to be very precise. I'm almost thirty, I can't waste any more time," she answered.

"Excuse me, how is getting your college degree wasting time?"

"Well, most people have theirs before the age of twenty-seven. I'm two years behind, and I don't like it."

"As opposed to the rest of the world," Raj stated, as they turned onto Los Robles. There they almost smacked into Penny, who turned to face them. A little orange fluffball was in her arms.

"Cinnamon!" Raj exclaimed, as he lifted the small dog from her arms. Then he addressed Penny. "I definitely owe you one."

"Wait, wait, wait." Priya looked back and forth from Raj and Penny. "Since when do you speak to women without alcohol?"

"For awhile now," Raj answered, still smiling luminously. The trio made their way toward the apartment building, and as they approached it they saw Howard, Bernadette, and Zack.

"Oh God," Penny muttered.

"I'm glad you found your dog, Raj," Bernadette said quietly, when Penny, Raj and Priya were close.

"Actually Penny did," Raj answered. "But so am I."

"You mean we were looking for a dog this whole time?" Zack asked. "It mighta helped if you'd told me!"

"What did you think we were looking for?" Priya asked.

Zack shrugged. "Some of your group isn't with you, I kinda assumed it was them." He detached himself from the building wall. "Well, see ya." He left.

"Yeah, we should be going too," Howard said, making Bernadette nod. "It's getting late."

"I think you mean 'dark'," Leonard teased, as Howard and Bernadette began leaving.

"Whichever of the two you find most amusing," he tossed back. They got in the car and exchanged waves of goodbye before Bernadette drove away.

Raj and Priya turned to face Leonard and Penny, who pulled apart from what looked like a secret talk. Penny tried to smile as Leonard said, "You guys want to come in for some coffee?"

"Gee, before bed?" Raj made a face. "No offense, but I think that's not a good idea."

"Doesn't have to be coffee," Leonard rephrased.

"Yeah, sure," Raj answered, and they all headed inside. As they walked past each poster, Priya tore them off the wall. The climb up the stairs was quiet, and when they reached 4A they walked in single file; then scattered into the living room. Penny shut the door, Priya carried the armful of posters to the nearest wastebasket, and the guys headed into the kitchen.

Penny smiled sardonically at Priya. "Love them or not, you'll always find guys in a kitchen."

Priya tried to smile, but it wasn't convincing. "Uh-huh." She took the far right end of the couch and Penny took her usual place in the armchair. They looked tensely at one another to the chorus of spoons tapping against glass cups in the kitchen. "So," Penny finally said. "Must be thrilling, knowing that even if just for a few minutes, you're breaking the rules of this place, huh?" She looked down at Cinnamon to underscore her words, and Priya followed her gaze.

"I'm not worried. It's not like this is my apartment." Priya's eyes met with Penny's again and held. "Nor my boyfriend's."

"No. But the dog does belong to your own brother. In fact, isn't he your roommate for awhile?"

At this Priya did squirm, and Penny smiled at Leonard as she accepted her tea. Leonard sat in Sheldon's spot and Raj sat next to Priya.

"What's the topic of discussion?" Raj asked.

"Cinnamon," Penny answered.

"Oh...I've only had it on my toast, but I'm thinking of trying Cinnamon Toast Crunch," Raj answered. Then he caught Penny's odd expression and looked down at his dog. He suddenly became very serious. "Uh-oh."

"It's okay," Leonard said hastily. "Just put him under your coat."

"He bites! And since he's been on the street, I'm particularly against that."

"Well, you were safe getting him in here," Leonard answered. "The landlord's probably asleep. Just drink your tea, and then we'll think of something."

"Screw the tea, our landlords will talk about this! I'll take a raincheck." Raj stood and grabbed his dog. "Help me smuggle him out to the car."

"Ugh..." Penny stood. "What would you rather be, nipped by a dog or homeless?"

Raj paused. "Wow. A combination I never thought I'd hear."

"Alright, give him to me." Penny accepted the dog. "Follow me. If we're stopped by the landlord, I'll tell him I just wanted to feed a homeless puppy."

"How would that work?"

"I'm kind of an actress. If he doesn't believe me I'll cry! Simple." Penny and Raj left 4A.

"What about when he sees us put him in my car?" Raj asked.

"I'll...tell him you offered to take him to the SPCA for me."

"Oh! That's genius."

"Genius and simple."

"Once again, a combination I never thought I'd hear."

Penny looked at Raj. "You realize now you owe me two?"

"Hey, you already found my dog and kept me from getting fired. At this rate I'm not asking what I can do, I'm asking when I can start." His cell phone began ringing and he answered, still keeping in pace with Penny. "Hello? Oh, hey, Amy...You can go home, he's here...Wait, wait, I'm talking about Cinnamon, what are you talking about?" He pushed open the door for Penny and held it open. "No, Sheldon's not back yet...Yeah, I'll keep mine on. Okay. 'Bye." He hung up and walked Penny to his car. "Amy got distracted by some puzzle slash Rubix cube store and they separated. Now she can't find him."

"Well, it's only eight fifteen. He'll turn up." Penny closed the door, trapping Cinnamon in the car. "You're all set. Home free."

"Thanks a lot," Raj answered, as Priya walked up to the car. "See you tomorrow."

"Yep," Penny tossed back, already going inside. She walked up the three flights of stairs. "They have got to fix this," she muttered, and pushed open the door to 4A; smiling at Leonard as she stopped in the doorway. "'Kay, I think I'm calling it a night."

"Already?"

"I want a shower after all that walking." She winked, turning to her own apartment. "But you can join me."

"Right behind you!" he answered, following her out. 


	5. Chapter 5

Start date for this chapter: 08.12.13 at 5:30 PM Finish date for this chapter: 08.12.13 at 6:30 PM -  
"Come on, Sheldon. Pick up," Amy muttered, to one in particular. She disconnected and sat on the picnic bench nearby, while putting her phone into her pocket. Putting one hand over her eyes to shield them against the brilliance of the setting sun, she looked for him, but the only movement came from the construction site.

Back in 4A, the front doors were pushed open and Sheldon walked rather unsteadily into the building. His stagger remained in his steps as he walked up the first flight of stairs. With a confused expression on his face, he looked down at a slip of paper in his hand, then at the numbers on the suite doorways around him. He continued this process until he reached the third floor, at which point he matched the numbers on the doorway with the one on the paper. His hands shook as he put in the key and pushed the door open. He closed the door and looked around the suite; then sat on the nearest end of the couch. He had cuts on his arms and an ugly gash on his forehead. His clothes were uncharacteristically wrinkled and dirty, and one of the sleeves had a slight tear.

Only seconds passed, and Leonard opened the door and gave his roommate an odd glance. "Why aren't you in your spot?"

Sheldon looked at him but remained quiet.

Seeing the cut, Leonard stepped in and closed the door. "Sheldon? Are you okay? What happened to your eye?"

Sheldon looked around the room, checking to see if there was a third person in the room. Then he looked back at Leonard, with an unreadable expression in his eyes. "Are you talking to me?" he asked.

Shocked, Leonard hesitated, then answered in a voice that barely came out, "Yes..."

"Oh. I'm fine..." He gingerly touched near the laceration on his forehead. "But I don't know what happened."

A heavy silence fell between them. Leonard slowly closed the door.

"Who are you?" Sheldon asked suddenly. "Do we live together?"

"Yes," Leonard repeated, still having trouble speaking.

"Hmm. I'm not sure if I like that..." Sheldon stood slowly and peered down at him. "You know, you're pretty short."

Not even looking away from Sheldon, Leonard managed to open the door. He walked backwards into the hall, then turned and walked quickly to Penny's suite. He knocked, fast and hard. "Penny, open up," he yelled. She opened the door immediately and he stumbled past her without speaking a word. She turned her gaze to Sheldon, who stood all alone in the doorway of 4A.

"What did you do?" she asked, walking toward him. "Whatever you did, tell me, and I might go easy on you."

There was only a brief silence. Then, moving quickly, Sheldon used one hand to slam the door shut. Inside his suite, Sheldon locked the door and, mostly to himself, muttered, "Hope that guy has a key," before he walked toward the hallway.

Outside his suite, Penny turned to face Leonard. She walked back to her own suite and closed the door. "I think we're getting our wish," she sang, and walked toward the kitchen.

"No, our wish was that he would stop being annoying. This...this is just bad."

"What are you talking about?" Penny asked, as she poured them both some wine.

Leonard met her eyes. "He doesn't know who we are."

Penny slowly tilted the wine bottle upward, away from the glass. "Well, that was part of my wish," she said with a little laugh. Leonard just looked unresponsively at her, shaking his head; and a silence settled and grew, until finally, Penny's cell phone rang. She picked it up off the counter, read the caller ID and answered. "Hey, Amy. ...Yeah, Sheldon's back, but Amy - okay, good luck." She hung up and tried to keep herself from smiling.

"What?"

Penny picked up the two wine glasses and began to carry them to the couch. "Um, it's their date night." 


	6. Chapter 6

Start date for this chapter: 08.17.13 at 12:00 AM Finish date for this chapter: 08.17.13 at 1:45 AM -  
Amy finished the treacherous climb up the stairs and knocked on Sheldon's door. After a delay that lasted almost eight seconds, Amy glanced at her watch with a scowl on her face. Finally, the door opened and Sheldon peered out at her. "Good evening, Sheldon," Amy said immediately. "I've taken the liberty to reserve the best table for two in The Cheesecake Factory."

Sheldon cocked his head a little. "Why's that of any concern to me?"

Amy shrugged. "I thought you would appreciate the lack of romance. When I say 'the best table', I use that term for you, because in my opinion the dim lighting and the seclusion make it a rapist's booth."

Sheldon kept his guard up, a movement that didn't seem to faze Amy at all. "A rapist's booth," he repeated, and then barreled over Amy's unsaid reply as she opened her mouth. "Okay, I don't know what gave you the right to insult me, but I have no interest in having sex with you."

Amy straightened her spine. "If you had ever been misleading me, it would be a wonder why I'm not offended."

"Well, I don't know who you believe you're speaking to, but I can assure you, you're misled enough without my aid. I'm neither a rapist nor interested in dinner with you."

"Wha-" Amy's voice died in her throat as he shut the door in her face. She turned around to go down the stairs and back home, but when she heard Leonard and Penny's combined laughter coming from her apartment, she changed her mind. She walked over to their suite and knocked on the door. Penny opened it and stepped back, holding the door open. "You look like you could use some wine."

"No, I could use time travel." Amy walked inside as Penny shut the door. "I don't know what I did wrong! I spent two of the longest years of my life, making sure Sheldon and I were on the best terms as humanly possible."

As Amy sat next to Leonard, he said, "Ah, we covered that earlier, he's not human."

Penny sat next to Amy. "Leonard says he lost his memory."

Amy's brows went up. "And you're over here drinking wine?"

"Well...I tried being over there," Leonard responded. "But he stood up, and came toward me, and he said things that were...not like him."

"You never told me this part," Penny said.

"What did he say?" Amy added.

Leonard hesitated, then said, "After he stood up, it just...started feeling like he was picking on me."

"Well, maybe that was just a coincidence. You're his best friend!" Penny said.

"He doesn't remember that," Leonard replied.

"Regardless, Sheldon doesn't have the courage or the strength to take you down. I think we should all go over there and try to jog his memory," Amy cut in. "I mean, you're his neighbor, you're his friend, and I...was his girlfriend. We need to help."

"He doesn't want our help." Leonard paused. "Wait, you 'were' his girlfriend?"

Amy nodded. "I think he broke up with me."

Leonard sighed and set down his wine. "How many times do I need to explain it, genius? Sheldon doesn't remember you. Once he does, you and he will be back to being...whatever the hell you are."

"I hope you're right." Amy stood and walked for the door, then turned and sighed. "I can't help him by myself!"

"Sweetie, we don't know if a professional can help him by herself," Penny said, and Leonard hid a smile. Amy just stared at her, until the two of them sobered and followed her to the door, a bottle of wine in Penny's hand.

Amy looked at Leonard and rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you mocked MY intelligence." She opened the door. At the same time, Sheldon opened his. He stood in his doorway watching them; while they all stood in Penny's doorway and watched him.

"Oh, look," Sheldon said into the silence. "It's the guy who lives with me, the girl who wants to live with me, and the girl who wants to kill me. What a small world."

"Sheldon, I think we need to talk," Penny said.

"Well, I suppose I can use this to my advantage. I need directions. Where is a store that carries electronics?"

"Um, I can take you," Leonard answered, and explained when he received a doubtful stare. "See, before you lost your mind...again...you drew up a roommate agreement that states I drive you."

Sheldon nodded and closed his door. "Alright, I believe you. I found it lying around when I was trying to find a good movie."

Leonard looked at him in surprise. "And you didn't find anything...?"

Sheldon shook his head. "Not really. All those Star Whatevers just don't look all that appealing." He went on ahead down the stairs.

Leonard looked at Penny and Amy, whose faces mirrored the shock on Leonard's. "Yeah, you might be over," he said to Amy, and followed Sheldon.

Amy turned to Penny. "Can I still have some wine?"

"Sure, if you want to spend the night."

Amy looked at Sheldon's open door. "And be across from him, the way he is now?"

"Do you have wine at your place?"

"No."

Penny offered her the bottle. "Save it for when you get home."

"Thanks." Amy took it from her and hesitated.

"You're welcome."

Amy still didn't move.

Penny sighed and put a hand on her shoulder. "He'll come around."

"I know. I just don't know what to do." Amy looked at her. "Sheldon's always been crazy, but now it's...bad."

"So, before it was good?"

"Very good! He knew me, and he hadn't ever forgotten it. We were getting close. Now I'm just another stranger he wants to avoid."

"Well, he'll remember, in time."

Amy put one hand on the cork, and then put her hand back on the bottle. "Before he never had to try." She turned and walked sluggishly to the stairs. Penny watched her leave. 


	7. Chapter 7

"How can I tell if you are who you say you are?"

"Well," Leonard answered, "you found that ridiculous Roommate Agreement."

"Yes, but how do I know if it's ours?"

Leonard sighed and looked at him. "You're an inquisitive little monkey, aren't you?"

"Give me three reasons why I should trust you."

"Okay...If you look in your wallet, you'll see that your name is Sheldon Lee Cooper."

Sheldon pulled out his wallet, looked briefly at it, then put it away again. "That's one down," he said succintly.

"Those two girls in the hall knew your name. Remember?"

Sheldon made a face of concentration. "Yes," he finally said.

"And last, but not least, the Roommate Agreement. It states I drive you where you want or need to go; and here I am, doing a good deed when I could be taking selfish delight in having the locks changed." Leonard smiled evilly to himself.

"But if I drew up the Roommate Agreement, which suggests it was my home first; I could sue you."

"Would you do that?"

"Would you change the locks?"

Leonard tried to stop smiling. "No," he said unconvincingly. "Look, you need to trust me. Between the two of us, I'm the only one who still has his marbles." He paused, and the smile came back. "I can see Wolverine saying that."

"Wolverines don't talk."

Leonard sobered again, realizing just how bad the situation was. "He's a mutant, actually. Um, wait, we're getting off topic. The point is, you need to trust me!" The pair finally arrived and Leonard pushed open one of the double doors. They walked inside in single file. "Electronics are over there," Leonard said, pointing, and led Sheldon to the area. "If you still don't trust me, I could call your family."

"Oh, thank goodness." Sheldon said dramatically. "I was beginning to think we were family."

"Nope, just roommates. Well, and colleagues."

"Colleagues? Of what?"

"Science."

Sheldon paused in front of a wide selection of DVDs. "I saw the geek in you, but I didn't see that coming."

"You're a scientist, too."

Sheldon turned to face him, eyes wide.

Leonard looked away. "Forget your mother. You need to speak with mine."

"Finally," Howard said, as he sat beside Bernadette. "I never thought we'd be here." He outstretched an arm. "Come here," he said, and she happily snuggled against him - and then someone knocked on the door.

"Hold that thought," he said, and she pulled away and got up. She pulled open the door. Amy stood in the hall, dripping with rainwater, a bottle of wine in one hand. "Amy!" Bernadette said. "Where's your umbrella?"

"Who needs one?" Amy asked despairingly. "It's just water."

Bernadette held the door open wider. "Uh, come inside, I'll get some towels." She headed for the bathroom.

Amy closed the door and stayed where she stood, moving only to lean against the shut door.

"Problems?" Howard asked.

"Yes," Amy said, as Bernadette came back into the room with towels. "And his name is Sheldon."

"What line did he cross today?" Bernadette asked.

"He lost his memory. He doesn't know who any of us are." Amy accepted the towels and spread one on the floor. She stepped onto it, and repeated this process until finally, she had approached the couch. She put the final towel onto the couch and then sat on the towel. Finally, into the silence, she spoke again. "He found his Roommate Agreement and allowed Leonard to take him to a good electronics store. Apparently he no longer finds his own collection all that appealing."

"Really!" Bernadette said. Amy pulled the cork off the wine bottle and Bernadette reached for one of the wine glasses on the coffee table, but paused hesitantly when Amy started drinking directly from the bottle. Bernadette and Howard both stared as Amy chugged, and then finally, paused to belch. "Pathetic, right?" Amy finally asked.

Bernadette and Howard shared looks of bemusement.

"Okay, um..." Bernadette took the wine glass from Amy's hand, and set it on the coffee table. "Maybe you should sleep that off here."

"Yeah, maybe. You're a good friend. I'm sorry I tried to clock you with my purse."

"Ah, don't worry about it. It's all water under the bridge."

Amy smiled, but became serious very fast. "Uh-oh." She shifted her weight slowly, and then, scaring both Howard and Bernadette, she stood quickly. "Uh-oh," she repeated, and made a beeline for the bathroom.

Bernadette sighed and followed her.

"Where are you going?" Howard called after her.

"To hold up her hair."

Howard sighed and poured some wine for himself. "So much for sex," he muttered to himself. 


	8. Chapter 8

(It is the next morning)

Penny sighed as she sat down in her usual spot beside the couch. Sheldon, sitting on the middle cushion of the couch, looked at her, his eyes narrow with uncertainty. Leonard approached the couch and came to a stop, looking forlornly down at Sheldon. "Oh, boy."

Sheldon looked up at him, but remained silent.

"Hey, roomie, can you do me a favor and scooch?" Leonard asked, pointing to the side of the couch that was closest to Penny.

"Alright...but I don't see the difference..." Sheldon moved to his regular spot and Leonard took a deep breath and smiled. "Much better," he said, sitting down. "Okay, Sheldon, what is the last thing you remember?"

Sheldon shrugged, holding his cup of tea. "I..."

Penny grimaced as he faltered on the very first word.

"I, um, remember waking up in a ditch." He paused again, trying to reflect, then shrugged. "That's it," he said succintly, and sipped his tea.

Penny raised her hand, silencing Leonard before he could speak again. "Do you remember your middle name?" she asked Sheldon.

"Lee," he said quietly.

Penny looked at Leonard. "Still has his eidetic memory," she said.

Leonard nodded and stepped in. "You don't remember anything else whatsoever?"

"Oh, sure. I remember lots of things. Your name is Leonard, you drove me to an electronics store last night. We're colleagues of science - apparently." He looked at Penny, who nodded. He smiled into his cup.

"Okay, this isn't helping. Sheldon, what does the word 'bazinga' mean to you?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon quirked an eyebrow. "To me it means someone had too much wine and not enough sex; most likely with a connection." He tilted his head. "Is this going somewhere?"

Leonard averted his gaze. "I don't know."

Sheldon put his cup on the table. "There are some other things I remember, but it's probably nothing."

"Hey, something is everything," Penny said.

Sheldon explained. "I remember finding my wallet. I found a business card with my address on it, and it led me here."

"A business card?" Leonard asked.

"Don't ask me," Sheldon answered thinly.

"What else, what else?" Penny asked.

Sheldon took his coffee cup and covered his mouth with it. He muttered something inaudible and then began slowly drinking.

"What?" Penny asked.

"Fur," he responded frigidly.

"We were looking for a dog," Penny pointed out.

"A black dog?" Sheldon asked, his voice still laced with odium.

Leonard shrugged. "There is a little bit of black..."

Sheldon looked at both of them with an expression of absolute loathing.

"Sheldon? You okay?" Penny asked.

"No. I'm done here. I'm not going to be your lab rat." He stood and took two steps, but Leonard's words made him turn around to face him again.

"What makes you say you're our lab rat?"

"Oh, simple. I have a brain; and you're the only ones who get to use it." Sheldon retraced his steps and picked up his coffee cup. He carried it to the kitchen. Leonard stood and followed him.

"I'm a scientist. You know what that means? I study living things. All living things," he added, stepping into Sheldon's path as he tried to leave the kitchen. "I am only trying to help my roommate, colleague and friend try to remember his life, because it's a good one. Even now you have it good. Because, if you recall, I told you about my mom, the therapist. She'd pick your brain, and, it'd cost you."

Sheldon walked unresponsively around the kitchen island and walked toward the front door. Before he could get close, it swung open and Amy walked in, blocking his path. She walked right up to him, fuming. "I am not a rapist!"

"Ease up, Amy, it's not like he can read your mind," Leonard said quietly.

There was a heavy pause between them, and it was brief, albeit awkward. Then, suddenly, Sheldon broke past Amy and walked quickly out of the suite. Amy turned and walked after him. "Sheldon!" she yelled down the stairwell. She waited three seconds, and then banged her fist on the doorway. She turned slowly to face Penny, who was shocked by the broken expression in her eyes. Amy looked directly at Leonard. "You tell your roommate once he gets his sense back that I'm waiting for him at my place."

"Why me?" Leonard asked, shocked.

"You'll be seeing him much sooner than I will." Amy turned and walked down the stairs. The air was thick with tension as Leonard retreated to the couch and sat beside Penny. 


	9. Chapter 9

(It is later that same day)

"'So, in conclusion, my initiative reached termination and I am, in fact, a creature of habit,'" Leonard read aloud, from Sheldon's computer blog. "What do you get from that?"

Penny stared in concentration at the screen. "I get...'blah, blah, creature of habit'".

Bernadette leaned over Leonard's shoulder to get a closer look at the screen. "'However I've been subject to change and ended up being a boyfriend to the luckiest woman on Earth'". Her voice ended on an inflection.

"Kind of confident of himself," Howard muttered.

"'...Which isn't to say I've stopped believing in luck upon entering the status of what I believe is 'It's Complicated'", Bernadette finished.

"Gee, how romantic," Penny muttered.

"Okay, this doesn't tell us anything." Leonard clicked off the program and the friends retreated to the living room. "Kinda wish Amy would perform electroencephalography. Considering the procedure is used extensively in neuroscience it would take very little effort on her part."

Raj patted Sheldon's empty seat. "Come sit here, you deserve it."

Leonard sat. "Sorry."

At that moment there was a knock on the door. Howard gave his friends a funny look and got up to open the door. He pulled it open to reveal Missy Cooper. "Hi, Howard," she said, bumping past him with a suitcase. "Thanks for texting me, Penny, I came here as fast as I could. Where is he?"

Penny sighed. "Not here," she said honestly. "We don't know where he is."

"And you're not even looking for him?" Missy looked in shock at the small assortment of people. "And you call yourselves his friends. You're all unbelievable." Missy turned and, abandoning her bags, walked quickly back out of the apartment suite.

Penny sank back into her chair and realized Raj was looking hopefully at her. "What?"

Raj shrugged. "Just wondering if I could get her number from you."

"What?" Penny repeated.

He smiled. "She calls me cutie pie."

Penny looked at the others.

"If it works, I'll, uh...Hm."

"Owe me another one?" Penny quipped. "If it goes badly, you'll end up hating me."

"No I won't. I'm asking for the number; if it goes badly I'll end up hating me!"

Penny tossed him her phone. "Well then work it, cutie pie."

Raj smiled and began digging through the list of numbers.

Missy opened the apartment's entrance door and saw Amy lurking at the front corner. She approached and tapped her on the shoulder. Amy whirled around in attack mode, startling Missy. "What're you doing, spying?" Missy asked.

"I suppose you could say that," Amy said, and turned back to her stimuli. Missy followed her gaze. Sheldon stood less than half a block away. Surprising Amy, Missy suddenly walked toward past her toward him. Amy reached out for her and missed, but stayed where she stood; watching Missy go to her brother.

She walked toward him, past him - and then turned around. "Uh, excuse me, are you waiting for a cab?"

"No," he answered.

Missy nodded. "Not lost, are ya?"

"Uh, no," he said. "I, uh, I live here. Just takin' in some air."

"You live here," Missy repeated. "Okay. But keep that to yourself, you don't know who you can trust."

"So true," Sheldon said.

"Well then why did you tell me?" she asked.

He shrugged, giving her a genuine smile that threw her off. "You looked familiar."

"Familiar," she repeated, raising both brows. "That's it? That's all I get from you?"

His smile vanished immediately. "What did you want from me?"

Missy planted her hands on her hips. "I know you don't live here, Sheldon. I know exactly where you live, and who lives with you."

"What?" he asked, feeling foolish.

"I'm your twin sister, silly! Familiar. Jeez. Now go on home. You're not going to get a good night's sleep on the street."

"Okay, I see what's going on here," he said laughingly. "You want me to go home so you can follow me."

"I can prove it." She pulled out a card and showed it to him. "See? I'm a Cooper, just like you."

"There are many Coopers. Try again."

"Alright. What if I said...Bazinga?"

Sheldon gave her a wide-eyed look of surprise, and then nodded. "Alright. I believe you."

"Good." Missy pocketed her card. "Now come on. This street screams messy." She put a hand on his shoulder and guided her unresisting brother back to his apartment building; where they literally bumped into Amy.

"Haven't I seen you before?" Sheldon asked her.

She stood, straightening her spine. "No. And you won't be seeing me again." She walked quickly away.

Missy shrugged. "Crazies. Each neighborhood's got them." 


	10. Chapter 10

The door to 4A opened and Sheldon walked in, followed by Missy. "Looks like my timing was perfect," she said.

"Like everything else about you," Raj said.

She smiled at him. "Well aren't you sweet." Her attention was quickly diverted. "Sheldon," she called to the retreating figure in the hall. "Where are you going?"

"To my room, where there aren't so many people."

"Fine," Penny called. "But it's just a smaller room you don't recognize."

Sheldon bowed his head, then turned and approached her with such certain steps that it had her backing up. "And what would you suggest I do? I am very lost and confused, and I'm terrified of whatever crapstorm is coming my way next. I just want to be alone right now, and if you can't accept that, then I have a big problem with you being in this apartment."

"Hey," she snapped, making him bristle, "If it wasn't for Leonard I wouldn't be here today, because as it turns out I have a problem being here myself. I am just trying to help you, but you've got to trust me."

"Nothing you have done so far, or could ever do, has been helpful," he said coldly.

"I see," she said offhandedly, and stood. "I'll just leave."

"Very well. If there's one thing you could do to make yourself useful, it's that." He watched her through callous eyes as she left; and as he went to his bedroom to no further objections, Bernadette closed the door.

"That was rough," she said.

Howard contemplatively rubbed his chin. "I hope we're all still friends by the time this is over."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm surprised y'all have lasted this long," Missy piped up.

Howard gave her a weird look. "Why would that make us feel better?"

"Well, you've definitely had all your ups and downs. And more downs, and more downs. You'll get through it no problem."

"How do you know?" Raj asked.

"I grew up with Sheldon," she responded thoughtfully. "I didn't think we'd even keep in contact growing up. Well, here I am." She put a hand on his knee. "You trust me. It'll come back to him, and then, he to you."

"Thank you!" Leonard said. "That's what I tried to tell them."

"Is it?" she asked.

"Well, not quite like that..."

"Then that was the problem."

He stood.

"Where are you going?" Howard asked him.

"To check on Penny," he answered.

"Let me," Bernadette said, standing up. "I know you're her boyfriend. But sometimes a girl needs her girlfriends."

Leonard stepped out of her way. "Fine. But tell her that, on behalf of my roommate, I apologize, and...I want to see her later."

Bernadette nodded and walked out of the room. Missy followed her out, gently shutting the door behind them.

Raj smiled, bouncing in his seat like a child.

"Why are you so happy?" Howard asked.

He beamed. "Missy and I made a date."

Howard and Leonard stared at him in disbelief as he kept bouncing in his seat.

Penny opened her suite door and tried to smile at Bernadette and Missy. "I'm sorry about that." She stepped aside. "Come on in."

They obliged, and Bernadette said, "Speaking of apologies, Leonard's sorry about Sheldon."

Penny smiled, cracking open a wine. "We're all sorry about Sheldon."

"He wants to see you later," Bernadette added.

Penny hesitated. "You do mean Leonard, right?"

"Yes."

"Good." Penny poured a glass. "You know what I don't get? Sheldon didn't like me when he was Sheldon. Now he absolutely hates me. What would it take for him and me to be on one side?"

"A miracle," Missy replied.

Penny sighed. "Yeah...Too bad miracles and science don't coexist."

"Really?" Bernadette asked. "So you don't consider science to be a miraculous thing?"

"Well, the fundamentals of both science and miracles, sure; but the finer points of each are better left separated."

Bernadette raised both eyebrows.

"What?" Penny asked.

"They're getting to you," Bernadette said.

Penny took a swig of her wine.

"Penny," Missy said thoughtfully. "Would it be an intrusion if I just crashed on your couch?"

"Go for it," she said.

"Thanks," she replied, smiling, and sat.

"Oh, right now," Penny said, as Missy lay down. "I can get a blanket, if you want one."

Her only response was a snore.

"But I guess you don't," Penny said, moreso to herself.

Bernadette smiled. "You know, there is an upside to learning what the guys know."

"Yeah, more in common with my boyfriend." Penny sighed and they clinked glasses, then drank.

"Eeyugh." Bernadette pushed her glass toward Penny. "Throw it back with the fish where you got it from."

"It's peppermint!"

"It's recycled." Bernadette smiled sweetly, and then her cell phone rang. She answered. "Hey, Dad...I miss you too...What? Really?...Great! 'Bye." Bernadette hung up. "I have to go home; my parents stopped by. See you later?"

"Sure."

Bernadette left and the door opened a few seconds later. Leonard walked in, looked at the couch, and walked back out; looking at Penny from the hallway. She walked past Missy and out into the hall, shutting the door almost all the way.

"I'll get a new roommate," he said. "I'll buy his half and kick him out and you can move in; just don't stop coming around. You are the only reason I haven't left Los Robles yet."

Penny smiled at him and took his hands in hers. "That's nice. A little sad...but nice."

"I don't want to live with him anymore. I want to be your roommate. May I please live with you?"

Penny looked down at their conjoined hands. "Leonard, you know I love you. But...I need to think about it."

"Okay," Leonard said.

She kissed his cheek, released his hands and went to her suite. 


	11. Chapter 11

Raj knocked on Sheldon's door. "Come in," Sheldon yelled, and Raj obliged.

"Hey," he said. "Missy told you she was your sister, right?"

Sheldon screwed his face. "Missy?"

"Did you forget again?" Raj asked sympathetically.

"No, it's just a weird name." Sheldon returned his gaze to the book and Raj looked around the room, noticing he had gotten rid of everything that had defined him as who he had been since before they met. "Wow, it sure is different in here," Raj stated.

"Why shouldn't it be? I can't imagine liking all the stuff I saw before."

"Okay, well...I just wanted to tell you that Missy and I have made a date. And if we fall in love and get married, you and I will be brothers-in-law."

Sheldon looked up at him but was silent.

Raj ducked out of the bedroom and closed the door. Leonard met him in the hall.

"So? How'd it go?" Leonard asked.

Raj shook his head. "I think the thought scares me more than it scares him."

"That's because you HAVE your memory," Leonard replied, and the pair went into the kitchen. "Where did Howard run off to?"

"He went home with Bernadette because her parents dropped by," he answered.

"That's nice," Leonard said.

"It is."

"But not for you," Leonard added.

Raj gave him an odd glance.

"It must suck, knowing the girl you once loved has married your best friend."

"I don't love her now." Raj sat. "I have Missy."

"No, you have a date with Missy. That could still fall through and then what? You'd be pining over two girls, and neither of them would want you."

Raj made a face. "Dude, I'm a visitor in your home. Shouldn't you treat me as a guest?"

"Just getting my revenge on you from that night in the hospital." Leonard grinned and sat beside him. "You know, I'm lucky that way. It might've taken a long time, and a few nasty turns; but I ended up with Penny." He began shuffling a deck of cards. "And this is the best part, she's considering letting me be her roommate."

"You asked her? That's backwards," Raj said, as he accepted the cards Leonard offered him.

"Were you waiting for her to ask me? That wasn't going to happen, I'm whipped! You have a nine?"

Raj stared.

"Yes, I'm admitting it. She has me wrapped around her pinky."

Raj smiled, shaking his head.

"Laugh all you want! But Missy will have you whipped one day."

"I have my own mind! Go fish."

"Yes, you do - for the moment. Just wait." Leonard reached into the small stack on the table.

"I'm not going to be her puppet. Three."

"Well, then, you're not going to be her boyfriend! Nerds like us need to be whipped; that's how we get girls." Leonard tossed him a three.

"Maybe that's how you get girls. But I want a girl who lets me think for myself; and I think Missy would do that. Do you have a six?"

"Go fish. They're all sisters; once they get the leverage, they control us. And sex is how. They'd hold us off until we do what they want."

"Maybe your Penny is like that. Missy is different. Her mother is a Bible enthusiast."

"Yes, but Missy's brother is an evolutionist."

"So?" Raj asked. "He didn't raise her."

"Raj, when a woman looks that good, she doesn't have low self-esteem. She wants it, she gets it."

"I don't have low self-esteem either; I'm smart."

"Yes, you are...but you don't have boobs."

"Missy wouldn't date someone with boobs! If she did, I wouldn't have gotten a date."

"Raj - " Leonard stopped and looked up at his friend.

"What?" Raj asked unfeelingly.

Leonard dropped the topic. "Do you have a four?"

Raj shook his head and Leonard dipped into the cards on the table. Then, breaking the awkward silence, Sheldon walked unfalteringly through the living room. He opened the door and let himself out; closing the door rather loudly behind him.

Leonard looked back at his cards. "There's a guy who never has to worry." 


	12. Chapter 12

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Finally! So sorry for the delay.

(It is evening)

Leonard was in the middle of pouring water into a glass when a burst of laughter from Sheldon startled him. His hand jerked and water splashed onto the counter. Raising his eyebrows to Sheldon, he saw him reading a laminated booklet. "Something funny?"

Sheldon looked up at him and spoke with a smile, though he had stopped laughing. "This Roommate Agreement is a hoot," he said. "I can't believe I ever wrote it, it's ridiculous."

Leonard made a face. "Aw, I didn't have my camera. Would you say that again if I went and got it?"

Much to Leonard's surprise, Sheldon began to consider it. Before he could make up his mind, the front door burst open and Penny took two steps in, and then lowered the baseball bat she carried. "What the hell was that noise?"

"I laughed," Sheldon answered, standing; the Roommate Agreement in hand. He held it up so she could see the title. "I don't know if I should throw it out, or frame it and hang it on the wall!"

"You would only be able to see the first page," Penny pointed out. "Unless you got a bunch of picture frames. And you'd have to have the perfect sizes..."

"You're right, that'd be a hassle." Sheldon took one step, and then looked at her with slitted eyes. "I misjudged you before, Penny. You caught onto that before I did. You should be the scientist." Sheldon carried the Roommate Agreement to the kitchen, and Leonard went to Penny. "He might repeat that for the camera."

Penny looked at him, completely serious. "I, uh, I think I'm good. I don't want to hear that again, it's too creepy."

"You should've heard his laugh."

The sound of tearing paper stopped them both. They looked at Sheldon, who was dropping shredded papers of the Roommate Agreement into the trashcan. "This is gonna take all night," he said.

Leonard covered his mouth, staring. "Are you nuts?"

"Not anymore!" Sheldon responded.

"Sheldon, don't you realize how much you'll regret that when you...remember? You have thirty plus years in your past that you don't even know about, and you're throwing away five of them! That entire stack of paper is what defines our friendship!"

"The past doesn't matter, Leonard...I'm not going there. Besides, we should know one another after five years well enough not to need this silly thing."

"You don't know me at all right now! You need that for you!"

"It's a Roommate Agreement. Not an introduction to your dating profile," Sheldon slammed back. "I'm getting rid of it, end of story. If you don't like it, leave."

Leonard winced, turning to Penny.

"You don't actually have a dating profile, do you?" Penny asked.

"No, of course not. I'm dating the best woman on earth, why would I have one?"

Penny smiled, draping both her arms around his neck. "Keep sweettalking me like that and I'll have to let you move in."

"Did I tell you how good you look in literally every color?"

Penny smiled. "Leonard, I know the answer to your question. It's still not now."

Leonard sobered. "Oh."

"Right now Sheldon needs you. When he's himself again, we'll talk about it. I don't want you to abandon your current roommate, when he needs you."

"So...that's the only thing you're waiting for?"

"Yeah. If you're still serious about it when he comes around, we'll talk."

Leonard smiled. "I can't wait."

She smiled and kissed him. "Me neither," she replied, and grabbed her baseball bat before leaving 4A. The door shut softly behind her. Leonard hesitated a moment, then approached Sheldon; watching as he tore paper after paper in half, dropping the shredded strips into the trash.

"Need some help?" 


	13. Chapter 13

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Not my best, for which I am sorry. But it is 3AM so I should probably stop. Lemme know whatcha think! Preferably about the whole story, not this one chapter...See y'all later!

"Priya, I need help."

She sighed into her pillow and then sat up.

"It's...unnatural," Raj added. "I need...dating advice."

"From me?"

"Hence unnatural." Raj made a face. "Can't you give it to me on the couch?"

Priya returned the look of disgust. "First off, watch your words." She got up and approached him. "And second off, I will not be having this discussion with my brother."

"But I need you!"

Priya sighed, walked past him and led him into the living room. "Rule number one: Watch your words. If you're talking to your sister, don't say 'I need you' and 'Give it to me on the couch'. That's wrong."

"I'm not dating you."

"Thank goodness for that, Rajesh!"

"Now you injure my self-esteem. You suck at this."

Priya sat on the couch. "Okay. When you date a girl - " She paused as he sat beside her; then got up and sat across from him. "Okay, okay, first things first. Who is she? I can be of more help to you if I know what she's like."

"Missy."

"Sheldon's sister?"

"Yes."

"Okay..." Priya shrugged. "Just be the exact opposite of her brother."

"No, I already got that! But do I kiss her at night?"

"Is this your first date with her?"

"Yes."

"Then no, you do not. Not unless she wants you to."

"How would I know if that's what she wants? Would she tell me?"

"God no!" Priya laughed. "Listen, Rajesh, I've told you all I can. If it were anyone else I could help you more. But I don't know any of the Coopers."

"Any of? If you knew her mother, would that help?"

"Yes, a great deal."

Raj's eyebrows rose. "Well, Mrs. Cooper is a Bible enthusiast and a church-goer."

Priya nodded. "I see. In that case, you have nothing to worry about!"

"No?"

"Not at all. You're a scientist, she'll love you."

"I'm a physicist, an astrophysicist."

"Thanks for clearing that up."

"So I just...be a scientist?"

"No."

"Well what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, you're supposed to be an astrophysicist! Haven't you been listening?" She shook her head at him. "I'm going back to bed." She got up and walked down the hall.

(Meanwhile, in Penny's apartment...)

Missy's voice came to Penny from the couch. "What time is it?"

Penny looked at the clock. "Eleven thirty."

"Ugh. I'm gonna be up all night," Missy complained. She stood. "I have to get my things from Sheldon's space."

"Sheldon goes to sleep at eleven."

Missy turned and raised an eyebrow. "Even now?"

"Oh. Um...I forgot. But yeah, probably. Leonard doesn't go to bed until eleven forty-five, and normally he locks the door before bed. You might be able to catch him."

Missy opened Penny's suite door, walked across the hall, and knocked quietly on the door of 4A. Leonard opened the door. "Hey."

"Hi. I need my bags..."

"You're lucky you came when you did. I was just going to lock up." Leonard picked up her suitcase and gave it to her. "Goodnight."

"See ya later," she replied, and went back to Penny's as Leonard closed the door. Missy shut Penny's suite door, set the suitcase down and walked back to the couch. She sat, her gaze trained on Penny. "I need some dating tips from another girl."

"First date with Raj?"

"How'd you know?"

Penny hesitated. "Um, you were in my apartment when you called him cutie pie. I guessed."

"Oh. Good guess!"

Penny could only smile in relief.

"See, I don't want our opinions to clash. He's a born scientist, and I'm a raised Christian. I don't want that to get in the way of anything happening."

"Oh. Well, you came to the right place. Leonard and I differ there, too. I just don't let it get in the way. Sometimes it just does, but we can normally get past it."

"And then it interferes again?"

"It's rare, but yes, it can interfere, maybe twice in twelve months. It isn't what you believe that makes it a problem; it's how."

"How?"

"Yeah, how strongly you feel about your beliefs. Or how much you disagree with his." Penny shrugged. "I've always thought beliefs were more of a comfort zone than a choice. It's who you are. And if you guys can't be comfortable with that, you aren't comfortable at all."

"So your advice is..."

Penny shrugged. "Find another comfort zone."

Missy smiled. "I...Thanks. I hope that helps."

"It's working for me! He wants to be my roomie." Penny grinned.

"Do you want that?"

"Yes, I do, now. Before I didn't. But this is where everything changes. It's both a comfort zone, and a choice. And I like both."

"So when is he moving in?"

"Well, if...I mean, when...Sheldon gets his marbles back; we're gonna sit and talk it over."

"I thought you said you were both ready."

"For now! But choices, and comfort zones, can both change. That's why we have ups and downs. That's why they say It's Complicated." Penny sighed. "And if we rush into it now, without talking, we might regret it. Or everything."

"Is this part of your advice?"

"Yes. Think everything over. Comfort zones are what make each person. Choices are just based on them." Penny opened her mouth, closed it, and then spoke at last. "That's it. That's everything."

"Thank you, Penny."

"You're welcome. And good luck." 


	14. Chapter 14

Howard looked at Bernadette, who drove them back home after a night spent at a restaurant with her parents. "I'm really sorry," he said.

She didn't look at him or say anything.

"I didn't think that would happen," he said, trying to laugh.

"I told you what would happen," she finally spoke, coldly. "I told you what not to say; I wrote it down."

"It's not all my fault!" he protested. "I was just answering your dad!"

Bernadette cut her eyes at him. "He was talking to me."

The pair fell silent and the drive continued awkwardly on. Finally Howard spoke again. "You're not going to leave me, are you?"

"Are you questioning my fidelity?"

"No! Not that you can't do better...I know you love me."

Bernadette tore her gaze away from the road and looked silently and harshly at him.

"I'll shut up," he said.

"So that doesn't change? I'd appreciate it."

Howard looked out the window.

(Meanwhile, at Sheldon's apartment...)

"Sheldon, I'm going to the lab now. Want to see what it is we do?" Leonard asked, as he put his coat on.

"Oh...to a lab? I think not."

Leonard made a face. "Really?"

"Think I'll just stay here."

"Okay," Leonard said, completely baffled. "See ya."

"I'll lock you out," Sheldon said, following Leonard to the door. He let his roommate exit the suite before he began to close the door. He paused when Raj burst up the stairs in a force of energy. "Don't I know you?" Sheldon asked.

"Uh, no," Raj said. "Hey, is your sister here?"

"No," Sheldon replied, and made a face. "Actually I think she just left to go to the science lab."

Raj looked at him in surprise. "Really?"

"I'm not sure. It's all fuzzy."

"Okay, well...thanks." Horrifically confused, Raj turned and walked down the stairs. Sheldon leaned out and watched him disappear around the first corner.

"Hey, Shelly."

Sheldon looked at Missy, who smiled at him. "Feelin' any better?"

"No," he said succinctly.

"Alright, well, I'm gonna leave you in Penny's care for a bit, I have a date." Penny walked around Missy and looked at Sheldon.

"Why her?"

"Because no one else is around to foot the bill." Missy smiled and walked down the stairs. "See y'all later."

Penny put her hands on her hips. "Guess you're stuck with me, huh?"

Sheldon sighed and stepped back into his suite. "I guess burning in this hell alone isn't any better."

"Gee thanks!" Penny replied, as she walked in past him. "Listen, do you have any fruit? I'm hungry."

"You don't look one bit like you starve yourself."

"Hey! Just answer the question, dork."

Sheldon looked at the stack of fruit on the counter. "Help yourself."

"Thanks." Penny walked into the kitchen, took a banana and started peeling it as Sheldon tried to make himself comfortable on the couch. Penny began peeling the banana over the trash and the torn shreds of the Roommate Agreement caught her eye. She paused, looking at Sheldon. "Hey, sweetie, you want me to take out your garbage for you?"

Sheldon readjusted himself to look at her. "You'd do that?"

"Yeah, I have to take out mine anyway."

"Thanks!"

"No problem." Her friendly smile vanished the moment he turned away again. Penny set her banana down on the counter, tied up the bag and lifted it out of the bin. "Be right back."

"'Kay."

Penny hauled the trash bag into her apartment and set it down. "This ridiculousness has got to end," she muttered to herself, and retreated to 4A. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: More coming soon! And don't worry, that last bit IS important...


	15. Chapter 15

Without moving her head, Penny looked at Sheldon out of the corners of her eyes; feeling like he a bomb waiting to go off. The last two minutes had felt like two days; and the anticipation of not knowing what he would do next was driving her crazy. She didn't know if he would start recollecting his thoughts and do math equations in the air; or if he would get up and start jamming to the theme song of Ghostbusters.

"I know you're watching me."

Penny's eyes flashed back to the black television screen, in which she could see his reflection. "I'm glad you know something."

"Excuse me!" Sheldon looked at her. "I heard that!"

"Well, it's not like it's a secret," she replied. "It must be even crazier inside your head than usual."

Sheldon turned his attention to the television also. "Actually it's not bad. Yes, I'm confused, and sitting next to a stranger with the manners of a monkey is pretty awkward. But I seem to have a good memory." Their gazes met and he hastily added, "In the long run. And I feel...intelligent."

"Well, you are. Even if you just said I have the manners of a monkey, when I took out your trash."

"You can train monkeys."

"To do that?"

Her only response was silence; which was finally broken when Penny's phone rang. She answered, "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Amy."

"Oh, hi...Um, Sheldon, I'm just going to take this into the hall...Reception..." She stood and walked into the hall as Amy said, "How's he doing?" and only responded when she shut the door behind her. "Um, I don't think he's going to bounce back anytime soon. He still insults me and generally seems to dislike me, but I don't care anymore. I just want things to go back to normal."

"Aren't you the one who said you wanted a break from Sheldon - that you don't want him to be himself?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't understand."

Penny leaned against the wall. "It's just not right! I watched him tear up the Roommate Agreement, all of it."

"He did what?"

"Look, Amy, the bottom line is, you're his girlfriend. If you want to know how he's doing, visit. And get over whatever you're mad about, because he's done nothing wrong."

"He forgets who I am."

"But you remember who he is. You don't ground your son for crying after a horrible nightmare. And you don't break up with your boyfriend for being stuck in one."

"I don't know what you want me to do anymore. I'm sitting at home, drinking, because my boyfriend hates me."

"Amy, what is the cause of memory loss?"

Amy hesitated only slightly. "Brain damage, disease or trauma."

"And which of those would be his fault?"

"Um..."

Penny hung up and put her head on the wall behind her, closing her eyes. She rested for a few seconds; and then stood and walked back to 4A. She tried to open the door - but he had locked it. "Ass," she snapped, banging her fist on the door, and then her phone rang again. She checked the caller ID, saw Amy's name and number, and threw the phone down the stairs.

"Hey!"

Penny turned back to the stairs and peered down. "Sorry."

Howard peered timidly around the corner. "You finished?"

"Yeah."

"You want your phone back?"

"No, step on the damn thing."

"I...beg your pardon?"

"Step on the damn thing - please."

Howard ignored her request and came up the stairs. "I thought Missy left you in charge of Sheldon."

"Yeah, and the bastard locked me out when I took a call!"

Howard approached the door, dug into his pocket and opened the door with a key. Then he smiled at Penny. "I have copies of all the keys."

"Damn!" She passed him, and then caught his odd expression. "But...y'know, thanks." She walked in further and put her hands on her hips, looking at Sheldon. "Real funny."

"Yeah, I crack me up." His genuine smile threw them both off.

Penny turned to Howard as Sheldon busied himself with a book he had retrieved in her absence. "Where's your lady this evening?"

"Home. Trying to convince herself she still loves me." He met her gaze and then averted his eyes. "Long story, not important; let's focus on Sheldon, shall we?"

"Yeah, sure...I've read that story anyway." Her eyes sparkled as he rolled his eyes. "What's your plan for Prince Dory?"

"Well...It might be a good idea to take him to his own lab office. He has a desk full of papers that have his name on 'em; it'll be an information gold mine."

"Yeah, that's smart."

He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Yeah, I know," she sighed. "I don't say it to you a lot."

He pushed past her and snatched the book out of Sheldon's hands. "Come on, bud, we're going on a trip."

Sheldon looked up at him. "I'd like to drive!"

Howard and Penny shared a shocked look. "Maybe next time, we have to go somewhere special."

"Aw." Sheldon stood. "Fine, raincheck."

The trio trooped into the hall and Howard locked up, with Sheldon watching him suspiciously. He nudged Penny, startling her. "And I thought you were creepy." 


	16. Chapter 16

Priya opened the front door and looked up at Missy. "Can I help you?"

"I'm here for Raj; we have a date," Missy answered.

"You have a date," Priya repeated. "Traditionally the man picks up the woman."

"Maybe by your tradition," came the frosty answer. "Is he home?"

"No; in fact he said he was meeting you at the lab."

Missy nodded and both of them stood like statues for a moment, looking at one other. Then Missy turned and walked away, and Priya backed inside and shut the door.

(Meanwhile, in the car...)

"So Sheldon, how are you holding out?" Penny asked. She and Sheldon shared the backseat while Howard drove.

"Alright," he muttered, keeping his gaze cast out the window.

She nodded, and after a silent moment, she said, "What'cha thinking of? Science and stuff?"

He looked down at his hands, pretending to be fascinated with them. "Actually, I was wondering how long it was going to take before someone else noticed the smell of gas. But I got bored waiting."

Howard pulled over, letting the headlights blink. "Why didn't you say something before?"

Sheldon shrugged. "I thought I was riding with an intellectual."

Howard unbuckled. "Smartass," he muttered, and got out of the car. Penny and Sheldon also got out and walked to the back of the car. Looking down at the road, they could see a long stretch of leaked gas. "Oh, this isn't going to help my situation with Bernadette," Howard muttered.

A car drove past, then stopped; and Mrs. Cooper stuck her head outside. "Well, looks like you forgot to pray for a safe trip," she said. "Where ya headed?"

"The lab," Howard said, as Sheldon circled the vehicle and reappeared at his side.

"Oh, hi there, Shelly!" Mrs. Cooper exclaimed.

Sheldon looked down at Penny. "Just how popular was I with the ladies?!"

Penny smiled. "Sheldon, I never thought I'd say this, but...I'd like you to meet your mother."

Sheldon looked up at Mrs. Cooper and forced a smile. "Nice to meet you, Mom."

Mrs. Cooper turned her confused gaze to Penny. "Okay, y'all better do some talkin'. Hop in and tell me all about it."

(Meanwhile, at Caltech Lab...)

Leonard turned to his lab door as someone knocked. "Hey, Raj...Shouldn't you be getting ready for your date?"

"I'm supposed to meet her here."

Leonard raised his eyebrows. "What would someone like Missy be doing here?"

Raj shrugged. "What would someone like Penny be doing dating you? Things happen."

"Right, but not that." Leonard turned to his table. "And who did you hear this from?"

"Sheldon told me."

Leonard turned back to Raj. "Yeah, he meant me. I left for the lab; neither of us had seen Missy."

"Oh, crap! What's the time?"

Leonard looked at his watch. "Eight fifteen."

"Oh, she's gonna be super pissed!" Raj ducked out of the room and his footsteps faded rapidly down the hall.

Leonard shook his head and walked to the door to close it; but paused when he heard familiar voices. He stepped out into the hall and followed his ears. "Are those my equations?" he heard Sheldon ask disbelievingly.

"Yes," Howard said. "Go on inside; take a look around."

Sheldon obeyed, giving him the evil eye. "You're weird. I've got my eyes on you."

"Yeah, I'm weird alright. I understand sarcasm, nobody is annoyed by how I knock - I'm nutty as squirrel turds."

Sheldon ignored him, sitting at his desk. He rifled through the drawers; then shocked his friends by saying, "Son of a bitch, I wrote these?"

Leonard, Penny, Howard, and Mrs. Cooper watched him carefully.

He turned the chair from the right side to the left, and his eyes caught the equations again. He stood and went to the whiteboard, and slowly picked up a felt marker. Then he turned to his friends; a gleam in his eyes, though he looked serious. "I remember this." 


End file.
